The holiday season is not the time to date? How does one find a BF?

[cellboy]

How does one find a BF? No. Not a FB or a ONS. But a BF. I have tried the bars. I am on sex sites, and must say have done quite well for myself on both accounts. Especially as a mild aggressive one; a shy one (my 2007 New Yrs resolution was to be more assertive. I was/am. It worked!). But why is it so hard to meet someone that is serious? And 100% single! Sexual compatibility is important in a relationship. I think especially for men. Gay men. But do we throw up our legs on the first date, or wait? If we meet someone on a sex site, do I tell them I want to meet for coffee first? Then if I like them, just say, "lets meet again, get to know each other", "maybe date for a while first" (Boy! That's old fashioned), then later "throw our legs up" (that seems to defeat the idea of a sex site making it more of a dating site)?

Am I somewhat too picky and selective as I am getting older? Will being too selective contribute to never finding a relationship? Sometimes it is easier wank'n, than dealing with the date, or hook up thing in the first place(right hand is with me. Left hand feels that I'm almost with someone else (lol). Or am I destined never to meet someone?
I am working out, trying to better myself physically and mentally. Trying to meet new people. But it still does not come easy.

Being the start of the holiday season, and new year approaching, I tend to reflect on this and other aspects of my life on a yearly basis. I do know one thing however. The holidays is not the time to go hunting. At least not for me. That is the time when most people are vulnerable. Some people are so lonely this time of the year, that they tend to "want" someone just for the idea of having someone, for the holidays. I have known some that meet during the holidays, and are then no longer together after the new year. Some are in love with the "idea" being in love, and not really being in love with the person. I know. I've been there. We all have.

So this is the time, I am out a lot. Parties, fund raisers, and the like. But I tend to tread cautiously. This time of the year, I am not looking for a BF. And if I do meet someone, I am cautious. The holidays tend to smokescreen events, new meetings, and sometimes the possibility of romance. Yes. It's best to hunt after the new year. With a fresh pallet. But will I ever find a BF? Or will someone find me?

Comments

[theoctothorpe.livejournal.com]

Much like Fight Club, the first lesson in getting a boyfriend is to not look for one. Find a new friend, perhaps with benefits, maybe not. Allow that relationship to mellow, and see where it goes. If you want it to grow into something more, put out that vibe.

It's universally true that those "looking for a boyfriend", or "looking for LTR", put out a vibe of desperation, and everyone can pick up on that.

[cellboy.livejournal.com]

Yep! Your so right. I tell my friends just that. Maybe I should of not used the term "finding" and or "hunting". Perhaps "meeting" someone new.... and see what develops later on :o). My longest relationship of 10 yrs, happened when I was not looking for a BF :-)

[grizzlyzone.livejournal.com]

You speak the truth. As soon as you find someone, you'll see plenty of possibilities.

So, what does one do? Quit looking. Be satisfied with who and what you are. Don't rely on anyone else to make you "complete", and don't avoid going out because you have no one to go with. Don't hit "the bars" during peak hours, and expand your horizons.