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Friday Ha Ha's (these are really bad)
Apr. 23rd, 2010 08:04 amNew British Emblem
Official Announcement:
The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from a Union Flag to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that!
____
A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine."
"Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."
Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles..
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O..K. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 - and plan on starting at 10:00 A.M. every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M., why don't you want me here until 10:00 A.M.?"
"This is a government job," the interviewer says, "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.. No point in you coming in for that."
______
While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass
by the beer cooler.. One nun said to the other, "Wouldn't a nice cool
beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?" The second nun answered
"Indeed it would Sister, but I wouldn't feel comfortable buying beer as I am certain
that it would cause a scene at the check-out counter." "I can handle that without a problem" she
replied as she picked up a six-pack and headed for the check-out. The cashier had a
surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six-pack of beer.
We use beer for washing our hair" the nun said, "A shampoo, of sorts, if you will."
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks and placed them in the bag with the beer. He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled and said, "The curlers are on me."
____
A cop tells you "your eyes look bloodshot have you been drinking."
You shouldn't respond with,
"Gee sir, your eyes look glazed, have you been eating donuts?"
Official Announcement:
The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from a Union Flag to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that!
____
A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine."
"Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."
Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles..
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O..K. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 - and plan on starting at 10:00 A.M. every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M., why don't you want me here until 10:00 A.M.?"
"This is a government job," the interviewer says, "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.. No point in you coming in for that."
______
While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass
by the beer cooler.. One nun said to the other, "Wouldn't a nice cool
beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?" The second nun answered
"Indeed it would Sister, but I wouldn't feel comfortable buying beer as I am certain
that it would cause a scene at the check-out counter." "I can handle that without a problem" she
replied as she picked up a six-pack and headed for the check-out. The cashier had a
surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six-pack of beer.
We use beer for washing our hair" the nun said, "A shampoo, of sorts, if you will."
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks and placed them in the bag with the beer. He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled and said, "The curlers are on me."
____
A cop tells you "your eyes look bloodshot have you been drinking."
You shouldn't respond with,
"Gee sir, your eyes look glazed, have you been eating donuts?"
