Bar Etiquette -- play date etiquette
Oct. 27th, 2007 11:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cellboyA few months ago, I met a nice man at an out of town bar. He actually was trying to pick me up. Smooth taking, cute, and very sexy/beefy muscle bear. At least to me. We spent a good 2 hours talking. We connected instantly. Well anyway, he needed a ride home, of course we decided to go to his home together; to play. He was well known in the bar, very social, and I had the opportunity, through him, to meet some of the locals. Which is great. Always good to meet new faces, especially if I'm up in Sacramento again. At least there would be someone familiar to talk to.
The question: what is proper etiquette?
As the night rolled on, he was all over the bar socializing, which is fine, I was too. We had decided earlier to go home with each other, but later I noticed that he was kissing, and groping some of the customers in the bar. I know I am not his lover or boyfriend, but I would think that since he had strongly targeted me for the night; would it be proper for him to be groping, French kissing others before we leave?
It was getting close to last call, and I went out to the patio to get him, and he was kissing a cute man, and his hands were down his pants. I went back inside for awhile to finish my drink. It was now last call, so I went out to get him again. He was with the same person, with his face against the guys crotch. He looked up at me, then continued. To make a long story short, I asked him if he needed a ride or if all is OK. Whatever he wants would be fine with me. He wanted to go. Once in my car he asked me if I was mad. I was not (but I was uncomfortable). He said that no matter what happened in the bar that night, I should remember that in the end I was going home with him. But later I thought. How tacky. If I had decided to go home with someone that evening, or we made a mutual decision on this, I would be more attentive with that person, and not be too too trampy. Since it was our first meeting, I can somewhat understand. Hey. We don't really know each other. It is also his 3rd year out, late in life, recently divorced with kids, so maybe he is just making up for lost time. I certainly remember those days.
Then about 3 weeks later, I had a leather contest event to go to up in Sac, so I called him to let him know I would be there if he wanted to meet. He said he would meet me there. Basically hinting that he would like to see me again. I was with my friends from the Bay Area, so as the night rolled on, and as the contest continued, he eventually appeared. We talked, fondled, etc. He wanted me to go home with him again. I said fine. He was a bit drunk from the beginning. So he was very friendly, with me, and with others in the bar. He was kissing, fondling many others again. This time, a bit more. He was all over me at one point then disappeared to be seen in the bar fondling someone else. He was basically bouncing from man to man. I tried to not pay too much attention, and stayed with my group to watch the contest. Again knowing that he has come out late in life, and only 3 yrs ago, I can understand he may be making up for lost time. So hence, his over-zealousness. When I came out, yes, I was all over the place with different men. But not at once :o). If I met someone that night, and I was, he was, interested, we would give our attention to each other. Not every one else. That I thought was the polite thing to do. Not perfect as I am, I am sure in the past I may of done the same (I don't remember). Anyway, I did go home with him. It was a nice evening. That night before we left the bar my best friend Carlos, who was out with us that night, told me to be careful, for he was on everyone in the bar. I was careful. But I still think his manners were a bit rude.
But is this an unfair assessment? Is expecting his values to be the same as mine being unfair?
I don't think I'm being a prude. I understand that what happened can be expected. Especially in a "bar" situation.
So.......If you meet someone in a bar that your interested in, and the feeling from that person is mutual; would you stray to others in the meantime? Even if they are hot as hot?
And on a second or third meeting, would you still stray, fondle, others, knowing you are going home with that person anyway?
Was this behavior rude or not rude?
Or could this be expected in this given situation?
Note: I finished all my antibiotics, and I deleted his number from my cell phone
LOL! Just kidding! But I did delete his number :o)
The question: what is proper etiquette?
As the night rolled on, he was all over the bar socializing, which is fine, I was too. We had decided earlier to go home with each other, but later I noticed that he was kissing, and groping some of the customers in the bar. I know I am not his lover or boyfriend, but I would think that since he had strongly targeted me for the night; would it be proper for him to be groping, French kissing others before we leave?
It was getting close to last call, and I went out to the patio to get him, and he was kissing a cute man, and his hands were down his pants. I went back inside for awhile to finish my drink. It was now last call, so I went out to get him again. He was with the same person, with his face against the guys crotch. He looked up at me, then continued. To make a long story short, I asked him if he needed a ride or if all is OK. Whatever he wants would be fine with me. He wanted to go. Once in my car he asked me if I was mad. I was not (but I was uncomfortable). He said that no matter what happened in the bar that night, I should remember that in the end I was going home with him. But later I thought. How tacky. If I had decided to go home with someone that evening, or we made a mutual decision on this, I would be more attentive with that person, and not be too too trampy. Since it was our first meeting, I can somewhat understand. Hey. We don't really know each other. It is also his 3rd year out, late in life, recently divorced with kids, so maybe he is just making up for lost time. I certainly remember those days.
Then about 3 weeks later, I had a leather contest event to go to up in Sac, so I called him to let him know I would be there if he wanted to meet. He said he would meet me there. Basically hinting that he would like to see me again. I was with my friends from the Bay Area, so as the night rolled on, and as the contest continued, he eventually appeared. We talked, fondled, etc. He wanted me to go home with him again. I said fine. He was a bit drunk from the beginning. So he was very friendly, with me, and with others in the bar. He was kissing, fondling many others again. This time, a bit more. He was all over me at one point then disappeared to be seen in the bar fondling someone else. He was basically bouncing from man to man. I tried to not pay too much attention, and stayed with my group to watch the contest. Again knowing that he has come out late in life, and only 3 yrs ago, I can understand he may be making up for lost time. So hence, his over-zealousness. When I came out, yes, I was all over the place with different men. But not at once :o). If I met someone that night, and I was, he was, interested, we would give our attention to each other. Not every one else. That I thought was the polite thing to do. Not perfect as I am, I am sure in the past I may of done the same (I don't remember). Anyway, I did go home with him. It was a nice evening. That night before we left the bar my best friend Carlos, who was out with us that night, told me to be careful, for he was on everyone in the bar. I was careful. But I still think his manners were a bit rude.
But is this an unfair assessment? Is expecting his values to be the same as mine being unfair?
I don't think I'm being a prude. I understand that what happened can be expected. Especially in a "bar" situation.
So.......If you meet someone in a bar that your interested in, and the feeling from that person is mutual; would you stray to others in the meantime? Even if they are hot as hot?
And on a second or third meeting, would you still stray, fondle, others, knowing you are going home with that person anyway?
Was this behavior rude or not rude?
Or could this be expected in this given situation?
Note: I finished all my antibiotics, and I deleted his number from my cell phone
LOL! Just kidding! But I did delete his number :o)
