If Operating Systems ran Airlines

DOS Airlines - Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then jumps on and lets the plane coast until it hits the ground again, then push again, jump on again and so on.

DOS with QEMM Airlines - The same thing but with more leg room to push.

MAC Airlines - All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers and ticket agents look the same, act the same and talk the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without you having to know, so just shut up.

OS/2 Airlines - To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped 10 different times by standing in 10 different lines. Then you fill out a form showing where you want to sit and whether it should look and feel like an ocean liner, a passenger train, or a bus. If you succeed in getting on board the plane and the plane succeeds in getting off the ground, you have a wonderful trip... except times when the rudder and flaps get frozen in position, in which case you have time to say your prayers and get yourself prepared before the crash.

WINDOWS Airlines - The airport terminal is nice and colourful, with friendly stewards and stewardesses, easy access to the plane, and an uneventful takeoff ... then the plane blows up without warning whatsoever.

NT Airlines - Everyone marches out on the runway, says the password in unison and forms the outline of a plane. Then they all sit down and make a whooshing sound like they're flying.

UNIX Airlines - Everyone brings one piece of the plane with them when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they are building.

Queen’s Marriage Came Under Government Scrutiny

RECENTLY DISCLOSED government documents from fifty years ago have revealed that the Queen’s marriage to Prince Philip in 1947 was queried when the legitimacy of his grand-father’s marriage, and subsequently his own parents marriage, were brought in to question. Under the 1772 Royal Marriage Act, members of the Royal family must receive the sovereign’s permission to marry, otherwise the union is regarded as illegal and invalid and the offspring illegitimate. Prince Philip’s grand-father, a German Prince, Louis of Battenberg, became a naturalized British citizen in 1868, but did not ask Queen Victoria’s permission to marry. He believed that the Royal Marriage Act did not apply to him. But Louis’s marriage and the marriage of his children (Philip’s parents) were technically illegal under the law, and Churchill and his cabinet were aware of the discrepancies. They did not want a public discussion of Philip’s situation, however, that may have led to discord that could have harmed the monarchy.

The crisis arose when a German cousin of the Queen petitioned the High Court for British citizenship, and it was thought that during the case such information could be made public. Churchill and his inner circle decided that Prince Philip was personally not at fault and the whole situation was quietly designated to a secret government file in 1955.

Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, Earl of Merioneth and Baron Greenwich, was born Prince Philip of Greece and Denmark in 1921. He renounced his foreign titles after becoming a naturalized Briton. He married the then Princess Elizabeth in November of 1947.

Dame Edna’s Pal Madge Passes Away At 100

Emily Perry, the actress who played Barry Humphries’ alter-ego Dame Edna Everage’s abused and poe-faced bridesmaid, died last month at the age of 100.
Perry was born in Torquay, Devon, and spent a lifetime in show business. At the age of 80, she found stardom as Dame Edna’s side-kick after passing an audition she was never sure was an audition in the first place. Between 1987 and 1993, Dame Edna’s golden TV years, Emily’s portrayal of Madge Allsop was part of the funniest act in the world, even though she never uttered a word.
She died at a retirement home in Twickenham.
“It’s a great loss to me,” said Barry Humphries. “She was a close friend.”

More Dame Edna. Seen her perform in SF. Too Funny!

DE and Captain Picard