temporary shivers or panic
Apr. 2nd, 2009 05:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cellboyAfter hearing of ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
darthmoose's passing, I am reminded of this.
When young we think we are invincible and the we will live forever. As for me, I realize that I am not invincible, but never think of *not* living forever. But once in awhile it hits me. That someday I will not be here. Forever. Then I have a short and quick panic.
1. Even though I have lost loved ones, I really don't think about it being my turn, today, tomorrow or in the future. Human nature I guess. Denial. I suppose if all of us dwell-ed on this daily, we'd all be a mess. So denial is sort of a mental protection for us all I suppose.
2. When it does hit me, I have a split second panicked feeling. A pit in my stomach. Someday, I will not be here!
3. Then I think, will I miss the blue sky, green leaves sparkling in the sun? The rain? Will I still see all of this, but in a different way?
4. More so of really not knowing the where I will go, if I will go anywhere. Is there a god, a maker, a 4,5 6 dimension?
5. Then I think if there is a god, a maker, when and how did this all begin? If it began from nothing, where did that nothing begin? Nothing had to of been something. And where and how did that something come from? Emanate from?
6. Oy! Depressing post? Sorry. Back to work.
7. Is it 6pm yet
darthmoose's passing, I am reminded of this. When young we think we are invincible and the we will live forever. As for me, I realize that I am not invincible, but never think of *not* living forever. But once in awhile it hits me. That someday I will not be here. Forever. Then I have a short and quick panic.
1. Even though I have lost loved ones, I really don't think about it being my turn, today, tomorrow or in the future. Human nature I guess. Denial. I suppose if all of us dwell-ed on this daily, we'd all be a mess. So denial is sort of a mental protection for us all I suppose.
2. When it does hit me, I have a split second panicked feeling. A pit in my stomach. Someday, I will not be here!
3. Then I think, will I miss the blue sky, green leaves sparkling in the sun? The rain? Will I still see all of this, but in a different way?
4. More so of really not knowing the where I will go, if I will go anywhere. Is there a god, a maker, a 4,5 6 dimension?
5. Then I think if there is a god, a maker, when and how did this all begin? If it began from nothing, where did that nothing begin? Nothing had to of been something. And where and how did that something come from? Emanate from?
6. Oy! Depressing post? Sorry. Back to work.
7. Is it 6pm yet
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Date: 2009-04-03 08:13 pm (UTC)