rethinking hookups?

[cellboy]

OK. So lately I have been on a roll with these so called dating sites (don't know why I joined the gym. The hits are pre gym pics of a 1-2 yrs ago (LOL).
But what sort of irks me, is that no one wants to do the sleep over thing. Just a quick romp and run. I can get that at a bookstore or back alley (not really. I'm beyond that). I seem to get luckier at the bars. Those men generally will want to spend the night with you. Which I think is more substantial. I myself feel more complete, and less empty. And needless to say, a post sex cuddle, and even through the night is nice. To me it feels like a more complete picture. Like dotting the i's and crossing the t's. Don't want to marry the guy. Just a nice cuddle. Is anything abnormal about wanting that? And the ones I really want to cuddle with, live thousands of miles away (Murphy's Sex Law). But in the meantime, I guess I will continue to do the hook up thing if opportunities arise. A numbers game you know. ;)

Comments

I'm totally with you on this one, Rick..

[liquid-wayno.livejournal.com]

Cuddle-whore that I am, to me it just doesn't feel 'right' if the person doesn't want to stay the night, or at least snuggle down for a bit. That is, of course, the guy turns out to be a total creep (and we know that is always a possibility).

[joebehrsandiego.livejournal.com]

Agree completely, Rick. I've had the same experience as you with this though.

[urbear]

I adore the overnight thing (but you already know that). Yeah, it's harder to find guys who want to do it these days, and harder still for me because of the damned CPAP.

Do you ask them to stay?

[danielefton.livejournal.com]

I can honestly say that I see both sides to this argument. I want to have someone to spend the night with me, I want that cuddle and the possibility of more than just sex.

The problem is the level of comfort. Theres just something about waking up in your own bed, with your own toiletries and shower and knowing where everything is. It's also a bit about power and control - being at the mercy of someone else's home and organization and sleep schedule.

But I find that if its someone I just met, I don't want them to stay over at my place and I don't want to stay at their's. I'd be awake all night trying to get comfy and be sure that they don't go through my stuff and steal anything, and I certainly don't want someone else to have to do that with me.

Plus, I've had guys make themselves at home that I didn't want to stay the night and I don't want to be one of those guys either.

and I am a huge victim of Murphy's, and i've never heard it called that. (oddly i found you via some personals site)

Re: I'm totally with you on this one, Rick..

[cellboy.livejournal.com]

Usually I am pretty good at weeding out the creeps before suggle night (knock on wood). And if not. "Well got to go now. My BF is waiting." Well I wouldn't say that, but tempted to sometimes.

[cellboy.livejournal.com]

Actually I like the sound of a CPAP. The hum and the whooshing sound puts me to sleep :)

Re: Do you ask them to stay?

[cellboy.livejournal.com]

That is true. Most times I can't sleep well the first time. But sometimes the sacrifice is worth it. And its only one night. But if more than one night, it certainly is an adjustment for both. Yes. I think the site was DH? :)

Re: Do you ask them to stay?

[danielefton.livejournal.com]

probably, though it could have been 411 or www. it was somewhere you had all kinds of links up at.

Re: Do you ask them to stay?

[cellboy.livejournal.com]

Not 411. I tried to join 4 times, and for some reason not accepted (not bearish enough (lol). Hear the owner does that. So maybe DH :)

Re: Do you ask them to stay?

[hugthecub.livejournal.com]

really? i got in the second time i tried - but only as a cub. ;-)

Re: Do you ask them to stay?

[cellboy.livejournal.com]

I might try one more time. But I'm on too many sites as it is ;)

[jonobear.livejournal.com]

I too LOVE to snuggle, but not with hook ups. In fact I rarely hook up in a bed at all. I very much separate sex with randoms (online, bar..whatnot) from my bedroom. Because in the bedroom I want the person I want to be intimate with. People I actually have feelings for other than attractiveness. I am much more dominant and demanding in my hookups than I am with those I care about. Those are the ones I want to hold and make feel warm. So maybe there are just other guys out there who act like me? I don't know.

[cellboy.livejournal.com]

There are other guys that act like you. They just seem harder to find these days. Maybe they are afraid of any type of commitment. Short term or long term.